Sometimes it’s awkward when people find out I can draw. I usually end up sounding like a jerk because I have a hard time answering people’s questions. It might be because it’s something that is very personal to me. Or it might be because I never learned how to sugarcoat some things.

Wow, you can draw? Really?
Yes, I said yes.

My cousin/uncle/grandpa is an artist.
Oh, cool, what kind of artist?

He paints pictures of trees on the weekend to relieve stress.
Oh. Totally not the same thing.

I can draw stick figures.
Haha, yeah. Me too.

I can’t draw a straight line.
Your stick figures must look weird then.

I wish I could draw.
We all have our strengths and weaknesses. I wish I could remember birthdays.

Can you draw anything? Anything?
Just about anything, but it’s not going to look anything like it does in your head.

How’d you learn to draw?
From what I can gather, I’ve always had this innate spatial intelligence and an active imagination. So once I combined the two, I found a way to communicate. My life has been dedicated to refining this communication.

I mean, I think I was born with it.

Can you teach me to draw?
Don’t get mad if I say no, because I’m going to say no. I’d be happy to give you tips or critique one of your pieces, but I can’t teach you what you want to know in the amount of time you want to learn it in. I’ve been drawing since I was able to pick up a pencil and I still have a hard time drawing feet.

Can you draw this/that for me?
If you asked me this in high school, I would, in a heartbeat. Drawing things is how I used to get people to like me, but I have developed a personality since then. Nowadays, drawing things is how I pay my bills. So if you are willing to help me pay rent, I am definitely willing to draw your tattoo.

What? I just want you to draw me a flower.
Yeah, but asking me to draw you a flower is like asking a dentist to check out your wisdom teeth or asking a mechanic why your ‘Check Engine’ light is on. It’s very appropriate to ask those things at the place of business where those services are usually offered, but outside of work, it’s a tad disrespectful. Don’t get me wrong, I love doing what I do and wish I could do it every day without any strings attached, but I do need to make a living. I’d really prefer not to give away free work.

Wow, you sound like an entitled jerk.
No, wait, let me draw you a picture. [signoff][/signoff]